I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
