sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
