This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
