kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
