She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
