Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
