Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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