I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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