Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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