I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
