Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Randomize
