i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
