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Don't you send me to vm
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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