Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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