Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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