You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
