I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize