do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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