You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
