I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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