I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
