Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
