went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
