Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
