I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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