??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
