i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Drunk is not a location!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
