Can Purell be used as lube?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You're like the curious george of whores
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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