My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
