Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how can u be prego again
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Enjoy the penises
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
