my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
