If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
