did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
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I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize