I got chris browned last night
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
