We named our party play list daddy issues
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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