then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
