I wish I could teleport
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
