how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
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I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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