is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
