I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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