If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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