I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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