but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
