the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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