i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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