i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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