he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
