I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
