I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
