Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
