what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Randomize
