have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize