Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
