I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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