Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
