god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
