I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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