Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
