dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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