And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
