1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
