Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
