i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
