We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
