She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
