Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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