I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
