u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I know her cup size but not her name....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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