between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
