Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
