I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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