I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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