Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
