saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
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She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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