whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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