Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
