hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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