I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you will always have a special place in my vag
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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