I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
