He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize