Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
