I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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