My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
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i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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