At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize