this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
