i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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